Mixed up
by NotYoloEnough4
Summary: (I'm a crap at making titles) Bleach/yaoi/IkkaYumi. Lemon references. Implied ShuuYumi and IkkaKira. Oneshot. Randomness.


# Otherdocformythingy #  
What an awful feeling jealousy is... Not beautiful at all. Although, anyone can be jealous under the right circumstances. And making Ikkaku jealous was not hard *at all*. Ikkaku came back to their quarters late as usual. He's probably been sipping sake somewhere with some dirty lot like Abarai or Iba, Yumichika thought. Drinking his ass off every night, this man is not the choppy type. He, personally, spent the evening with Shuuhei, his semi-public boyfriend. They walked around in the Sereitei gardens when only the moon could see them (Hisagi told him how nice the light looked on his skin like a hundred times) and shared chaste kisses in the dark. Yes, only kisses and nothing else. Of course Yumichika had already been taken by Shuuhei, but ruining that magical night with getting all dirty was just nothing like him. The raven haired shinigami really thought their relationship was something beautiful, but, of course, something had to spoil this too — or more like *someone*? It was that bastard Ikkaku of course; whenever Yumi tried to say something romantic, he had to add something utterly perverted and then laugh at his own stupid jokes. He really cared about the third seat, but sometimes he could hardly stand him. Yumichika really forced himself to believe Ikkaku was more than a filthy eleventh squad thug, but his behavior made it really hard. The mocking wasn't about gayness (since Ikkaku was actually dating Kira); it was more like his dirty fantasies, like *,,That 69? Does it actually mean something, hm?''* or *,,Just make sure you don't scream so much, I could hardly sleep last night!''* or even *,,I won't kick your ass tomorrow, I know it already hurts damn much!''*. These unbeautiful comments could drive Yumichika crazy, especially when he had to listen to them 24/24 in public places also.  
That evening Yumi was only *hoping* his 'best friend' wouldn't say anything like that, but unfortunately, the first sentence he heard was:  
-Awh, I thought I'd catch ya and Hisagi in the act this time!- the offended beauty stood up smacking a fist in the table.  
-You're being really annoying, Ikkaku! If you don't stop making comments about Shuuhei, I'll go tell Kira you're phantasizing about other people instead of him!- he tried to seem angry, but still, he couldn't show enough rage in his voice.  
- Go on, go on, I'm sure it will turn on ma' hot blondie even more!  
- ...So that you can go and fuck him on the table like an animal, not caring about who's around?  
- Exactly! See, ya *do* have a dirty mind after all!  
Yumi felt so frustrated he almost wanted to cry like a little child. Instead, he limited himself to do it in his mind and continued acting composed. For Ikkaku, there were only extremes: someone could only lack sexuality completely *or* be a hyperactive sex machine. -You're being really bad-tempered recently! How can you think you can butt in my personal matters like that?! I'm just giving you a hint you should care more about your *own* boyfriend, instead of mocking mine!- the other scratched his bald dome.  
-Well, this is my way to say 'I don't understand ya'.  
-Oh really?! First: Why can't you just say 'I don't understand you' instead of bugging me? Second: what is it that you don't understand?  
Ikkaku watched quietly before answering.  
-I just don't get what's so good about Hisagi.  
-The same way I don't get what's good about Kira, still, I can accept your tastes and not fuss over it.  
-I want to understand you. I thought I was your best friend or somethin'- the third seat was a total disaster at expressing himself.  
-I mean, I thought ya were into beautiful stuff, but he's got scars all over, a weird tattoo and he isn't even really handsome. How do ya even look at him?- Yumichika tried to hide his wrath and patiently enlighted his friend.  
-You know, since everyone is unique, there isn't really just one beauty standard. You can see people in different points of view. For example, what you said about Shuuhei is true, but he has a pair of beautiful eyes, he's really muscular, but not *too much*, and his hair is like the fluffiest thing I ever touched in my life!  
-Ok, ok, I get it, about the hair and all, thanks for the talk.- Ikkaku cut the conversation off, making his way to his bedroom. What surprised Yumichika the most was that the bald man didn't seem relieved or even angry. He looked *sad*.  
The fifth seat decided to got to bed as well, so after his evening beauty routine (wash off makeup, take off feathers, put on night lotion) he headed straight to his futon. Even though it was late, something kept him from sleeping. He could only think about what in Soul Society could hurt Ikkaku in what he said. Oh wait... he talked about hair as a good quality! Ouch... The next day was weekend, fortunately. Yumichika made breakfast like always, but today he almost burned two omelettes. The reason were his wandering thoughts: one about the plan of apologizing to Ikkaku, the other about why was he dwelling on this. Suddenly, said baldy appeared in the door of his room.  
-'Morning Yumi!  
- Good morning to you, Ikkaku! Slept well?- that nickname made a pleased smile spread across his face. That meant he wasn't mad at him, right? Still, he wanted to have a talk with him.  
- It was just fine, thanks. Made some food, woman?- he said in a mocking tone.  
- If it's like that, you should go and earn some money whilst I stay home!  
- Hurry up with those omelettes, I didn't have dinner yesterday!  
- Just a minute...- the raven haired man said while putting the next omelette on a plate, turning his back to his bald friend.  
- What are you staring at?- he asked when he saw Ikkaku watching thoughtfully.  
- Your ass.- Yumichika blushed at the sudden assertion and turned around instinctively.  
- That's a bad joke, Ikkaku.- Yumi realized something was wrong when his friend *didn't* start to laugh.  
- Ain't a joke.  
- Well... Then... Just... leave the ass-staring to Shuuhei and stare at Kira's ass instead duh!  
- Sorry, it was an opportunity. Besides... why are ya wrigglin' yourself like that if ya don't want others to watch?  
- I'm not wriggling myself! What gave you this ugly idea?!- he said half-angrily, half-dimly. He was not sure what to think anymore.  
- Okay, let's cut this. Is the food ready yet?- Ikkaku asked. Yumi brought the trail to their table and sat down. They ate the omelettes without saying a word, but the fifth seat suddenly realized he had something left to do.  
- I'm sorry for yesterday, it was rude of me.  
- What's this just out of the blue? Is it an apology?- the bald man smiled.  
- Yes, it is, if you didn't notice yet.- the other pouted, not used to swallowing his pride.  
- Fine, you're forgiven, but only 'cause ya have a cute way of askin'.- Yumi blushed. That was the second hint of something he better not try to understand.  
Yumichika decided to spend the day with Shuuhei to clear that matter from this mind. He went to see him in his barracks after preparing himself like every day (wash off night lotion, put on day lotion, makeup, feathers...) to look beautiful for his boyfriend. He soon found him, but the sight of Shuuhei was a slight disappointment. It seemed like something was going wrong, so while they were randomly walking around the Gotei, he decided to ask.  
-What's wrong, Shuu? Is something troubling you?  
-Yumichika, I have to tell you something.  
-Did something happen?  
-I have someone.- Yumichika's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe what he just heard.  
-Wh-what?!  
-We can't stay together like this.- the beautiful man could feel his rage arise.  
-Yeah, I guess so!- he said then slapped Shuuhei nice and hard. He turned and ran away right back to the Eleventh's barracks, tears pouring down his cheeks.  
Ikkaku was relaxing beneath the spring sun when his best friend bursted in with his face all red and wet.  
-What happened?- Yumichika sat down next to him still weeping.  
-Wait... It's something about Hisagi, right? Did ya break up with him?  
- He was... Cheating... on me...- Yumi said between two sobs. Ikkaku made an uncertain move to put an arm around him but it ended up clumsy and weak. Then he finally managed to hug him, not caring about the raven haired man's tears wetting his shihakusho.  
- Can you... please... pretend it's Kira over here?- he heard Yumichika's voice dulled by his chest.  
-Why should I do such a thing?  
-I had enough of everyone! Who loves me if Shuuhei was pretending and you hate me for this?!- Ikkaku leaned more into the thin frame gripping to his neck.  
-I don't hate ya Yumi! If something, I hate that bastard for dumping ya. He lost the best opportunity of his life.- they stayed like that for a while.  
After a while Yumichika lifted his face looking up to his friend.  
-Kiss me, Ikkaku!- violet eyes praying, the third seat just *had to* press his rough lips against those soft ones. It was unusual for him, the way the beautiful man let him do something like that. This was serious taboo for them (since Kira was still there for Ikkaku), but it needed to be broken under current circumstances. The third seat thought it was just *one* kiss, but the other man sealed their lips together again.  
-Yes, it feels exactly like I imagined!- he smiled softly after breaking the second interaction.  
- Wait... You've been thinking about this?  
- It did come into my mind once or twice but then I cut it off; after all there's Kira, who is actually a nice guy and a I have no intention to steal what's his.  
- I don't know anymore...- Ikkaku sighed, then he suddenly got up.  
- Need to have a talk with Hisagi, I've a bad feeling about this. Be right back!  
- All right... But hurry up. I hate being alone like this.  
- Don't worry, just ten minutes. Ya can fix your face in the meanwhile, I'm sure it will bring your mood back!- the bald man blinked and left the room. What a weird guy, Yumichika thought. How can he still be friends with a whiny little girl like him?  
At the same time Ikkaku was trying to find Shuuhei, who was currently training alone in a dojo. When he noticed the third seat walking towards him he could only think about the worst.  
-Stop, Ikkaku!- he shouted, but the taller man just stood in front of him without doing anything with his arms crossed.  
- Listen up, I didn't come to crack your skull into thousand pieces, I only wanna know who was it.  
- You're gonna kill me...  
- I was about to do that anyway so spit it out.  
- It was... Kira.- Hisagi expected something like *,,What the actual fuck?!''* or *,,Can I please hear that again, faggot?!''*, instead Ikkaku turned and walked away proudly with Hozukimaru on his shoulder.  
- Good luck for ya two, I guess this was his way to say he wants to break up.  
As he said, Ikkaku came back to his and Yumichika's quarters ten minutes later. The beautfiul man had already cleaned up his face by then, but he was still under the shock he got before. -Well, detto.- baldy said as he sat down.  
-What?  
-Had a breakup too.- something like hope shone in Yumi's eyes, but he tried to hide it. -I thought you were talking with Shuuhei.  
-Well I was. Did ya know who was the one he left ya for? Ya'd never guess...- the other man's eyes widened.  
- No way...  
-You're luckier than me, he didn't even tell me personally.  
The two Eleventh squad members sat next to each other, completely depressed by their love matters.  
-Hm... Ikkaku?  
-I'm sorry for before. If it bothered you or something... You know...- a self-conscious Yumichika was not something you see every day, so his bald friend couldn't help but wonder what's going on with him.  
-Oh no, it was quite nice actually...- Ikkaku suddenly shut his mouth realizing what he just said. At these words Yumi moved closer and kissed him again, the third time already.  
-Still 'nice'?- he smiled mockingly, thinking his best friend was just playing around him.  
-Ya really wanna know?- the beauty nodded, probably expecting a different answer than a harsh, deeper kiss. Yumichika blushed deeply. Something he was suppressing for a long time started to awaken. He clung to his friend, but his worried expression turned into a seductive smirk.  
-Let me tell you a little secret... I wasn't oh-so-much sad after all.- this baffled Ikkaku, but it didn't keep him from toppling the raven haired man on the floor.  
-Why?- he asked, however.  
-Because it was always you the one I've been lusting for. Do you think pretending someone else is there during sex is evil?  
-Yeah, it's totally wicked. You're a nasty, evil bitch, Yumichika.- the bald man said while kissing him all over he could. The beautiful man moaned at the pleasure.  
-By the way, do ya know why I made up all those fantasies?  
-I don't know, but thank you, I've been jerking off to them recently.  
-Well, that's good... Those were all the things I wanted to do to ya, and I warn ya, I'm gonna make them all real!  
-I'm looking forward to it! 


End file.
